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From Where I Stand
 Nominated for the Carnegie Medal 2008
also nominated for the Waterstones Book Award and shortlisted for The Catalyst Prize, The Lancashire Book of the Year Award and The Stockport Schools Book Award
Out now in bookshops or order online from:
'The
second novel by rising star Tabitha Suzuma confirms her as a writer of
great sensitivity, who tackles big issues while sustaining a thrilling
plot.' The Bookseller
'Good psychological thrillers are few
and far between for the teenage market and this has to be one of the
best. Major issues such as bullying, grief and truth are handled
sensitively and without judgement. A totally absorbing read and worthy
follow up to her first book.' Sarah Howcutt
'A
disturbing and compulsive read about a very unhappy young man.
Traumatised by seeing his mother die, Raven is now faced with a foster
family and a new school where he is continually bullied. Determined to
track his mother's killer, he enlists the help of Lotte, the only
friend he makes at school. We care about Raven, feel for his suffering
and are drawn into a narrative that culminates in a major twist of the
whole story.' The Bookseller
'At
one point, I had to put down From Where I Started because my eyes were
full of tears. Much as I wanted to read on, the blurred page wouldn't
let me. Suzuma put me right inside Raven's head - so busy with fear and
hurt and confusion on the inside and so stony and impassive on the
outside. I crawled into bed with an indelible picture of the
grief-paralysed, alienated Raven imprinted on my mind. As a portrait of
a damaged adolescent struggling with his mental health, I found it
sensitive, powerful and heartrending... Suzuma explains and unravels the
mystery with honesty and care and gentle kindness, but without ever
losing the pace and tension in the plotting. I thought the whole book
was a remarkable achievement, and there are a whole bunch of adult
writers in this popular psychological thriller market who could learn a
lesson or two from it. There is an understanding of both character and
crisis here that you don't find often. Highly recommended for all
sophisticated readers who enjoy contemporary settings, a realistic
emotional landscape and strong, thrilling plotlines.' Jill Murphy, The Bookbag
'Suzuma's
vital and realistic prose throbs with emotions and uncertainty...
Thrilling, with taut writing, it is perfect for teens.' Jayne Howarth, The Birmingham Post
'Ultimately this is a book about guilt and redemption, as
well as a deeply compelling read.' Books for Keeps
'Tabitha
Suzuma's second novel is a stunner... the characters wonderfully drawn,
and the climax of the book is beautifully written... a wonderful
teenage read.' Malcolm McEwan
'From Where I Stand is a riveting read on two levels: as an
edgy psychological thriller and also as an exploration of the depths of
despair that an outsider suffering from mental health problems can
suffer... This is a stunning novel with a major twist to the story. What is
so clever is the author's ability to keep her reader gasping with the
thrill of chasing a killer, while getting inside the head of a
grief-stricken teenager.' Pat Pledger
Read the full reviewsSYNOPSIS
Raven is a deeply disturbed teenager, who, after witnessing the death
of his mother, is placed in foster care. The Russells do their best to
earn his trust, but only little Ella manages to get through to him.
Meanwhile, at school, bullies are making his life a living hell. An
unexpected companion comes in the form of Lotte, a classmate bored by
her 'ordinary' friends. Together, they track down Raven's mum's killer,
with the goal of exposing him to the police. But their carefully
crafted plan goes dangerously wrong and suddenly nothing is as it
seems. Everything is falling apart and, ultimately, there is only one,
final way out.
I
knew I’d find you here.’ Lotte stood in the doorway at the top floor of
the empty house, her face still in the shadows, her scuffed black shoes
and white ankle socks lit eerily by the torch that lay on the floor.
‘Are you OK?’
Raven didn’t reply. ‘You should have seen the look on Kyle and Brett’s faces when you went for them. They were scared shitless.’
‘Is Kyle dead?’ Raven asked dully.
‘No!’
Lotte looked shocked at the idea. ‘Of course not. He was just moaning
and groaning a lot when the nurse arrived, saying that all his bones
had been broken and he couldn’t possibly move.’
Raven felt himself
relax slightly and the shivering that had gripped him ever since he’d
run from the classroom began to fade. ‘Oh well, that’s it then. I’ll
probably be expelled again and Dan and Jackie will send me back to the
unit.’ He felt numb, as if nothing could really hurt him any more.
‘You
won’t be expelled. All the teachers know that Kyle and Brett are
bullies. And everyone who saw the fight will say that Kyle and Brett
started it. They’re all delighted that someone’s finally had the guts
to stand up to those two.’
Silence descended. Raven stared at the
opposite wall. Lotte came to sit on one of the crates and looked at
him, leaning against the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him,
his penknife in his hand.
‘You were expelled from your last school then?’
Raven just nodded.
‘How come?’
His eyes did not meet hers. ‘Stopped talking.’
‘What d’you mean?’
‘I mean that I stopped talking.’
‘You stopped talking completely?’
‘Yes.’
‘For how long?’
‘Couple of months.’
‘Fuck.’ Lotte sounded impressed. Her eyes suddenly locked onto the penknife. ‘What are you doing with that?’
‘Nothing.’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘Is that blood on your shirt?’
Raven
flicked the penknife closed and put it back in his pocket. Lotte got up
and knelt down on the floorboards beside him. Before he had time to
move away, she grabbed his arm and pushed up his blood-flecked sleeve,
staring down at the bloody array of cuts across the inside of his arm.
‘Fucking hell!’
Raven pulled his arm away angrily.
Lotte sat back on her heels, her eyes wide. ‘Jesus,’ she breathed.
Raven angrily yanked down his sleeve.
‘You did that?’ Her voice was faint.
He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall.
‘You did that to yourself?’ she asked softly. ‘Why?’
Raven didn’t answer.
‘Doesn’t it hurt?’
‘Course.’
‘So why d’you do it?’
He shrugged again. ‘It helps,’ he said.
‘Helps what?’
‘Helps me feel better.’
‘But
how?’ Lotte asked. ‘How can hurting yourself make you feel better? If I
hurt myself, I feel worse. If I hurt myself badly, I just want to cry.’
‘It’s the opposite. It takes away the pain.’
‘What pain?’
‘The pain inside my head.’
‘Like a headache, you mean?’
‘No. Inside my mind.’
Lotte
said nothing for a moment. ‘You mean because of Kyle and Brett? Because
you’re living in a foster home?’ She gazed at him steadily, then added
softly, ‘Because of your mum? Because of how much you hate Steve?’
Raven’s eyes met hers. ‘No,’ he said, ‘because of how much I hate me.’
Lotte
was silent. She moved over to sit beside him against the wall. Their
arms were almost touching, but not quite. Side by side, they stared
straight ahead into the darkness.
‘You shouldn’t,’ Lotte said. ‘You
shouldn’t hate yourself. You’re the best friend I ever had. Before you
came along I had no one to talk to. And my so-called friends all bored
me to death.’
A long pause. ‘You wouldn’t want to be friends with me,’ Raven said. ‘Not if you really knew me.’
‘I do know you. And it’s not just me. Ella’s crazy about you. And I bet Jackie and Dan really care about you too.’
Raven
got up suddenly and walked over to the window. ‘None of you know me,’
he said, his voice harsh. ‘None of you. You don’t know me at all.’
Lotte said nothing. ‘Sometimes I feel like that too,’ she began. ‘But it’s just because you’re feeling kinda fed up—’
Raven turned abruptly from the window. ‘I should have killed Kyle,’ he said.
Lotte
shuddered suddenly and pulled her knees up under her school coat. ‘You
shouldn’t say things like that. I know he’s a complete twat, but—’
‘You don’t think I mean it?’ He looked at her steadily. ‘You don’t think I’m capable of killing someone?’
She hesitated for a moment. ‘I’m sure you feel like killing both of them,’ she began. ‘But it’s not the same as actually—’
‘Everyone’s
capable of murder.’ Raven cut her off, his voice hard, giving her a
long look. ‘Given the right situation. Everyone. Even you.’
© Tabitha Suzuma
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